


Dark Before Light

by dragonroses



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, BAMF Pidge | Katie Holt, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Galaxy Garrison, Katie doesn't deserve to suffer this much, Mental Illness, Origin Story, Panic Attacks, Pidge | Katie Holt-centric, Pidge's life before Voltron
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-01-31 09:59:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12679566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonroses/pseuds/dragonroses
Summary: After the Kerberos mission failed, Katie refused to believe that her brother and father are dead. She swears that she will find them. But just what does she have to go through before she can set herself on the right path?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Pidge is my favourite character from VLD and her backstory has always intrigued me. I hope I can do it justice!

The small room held a cold atmosphere as it was drenched in the night's smothering darkness. It was late, but that didn't stop the curtains from being drawn shut. Their only purpose being to halt any source of intruding light from the glowing moon or twinkling stars. It would only serve to disrupt the young teen's concentration. 

 _"The Galaxy Garrison mission to the distant moon of Kerberos is missing and all crew members are believed to be dead. The Galaxy Garrison has said the crash was presumably caused by 'pilot error'. It is indeed a sad day for all of humanity._ "

"No." She had told herself firmly that night. " _'_ _Pilot error_ _?_ _'_  That’s impossible."

Now, Katie sat cross-legged over her bed. The only light in the room coming from her laptop's screen. The glow allowed shadows to shield parts of her face, coincidentally causing a menacing glare to reflect across her, once bright, features. Her hazel eyes were hard and focused while her long fingers moved with rapid precision over the keyboard.

'Pilot error' was too vague. 'Pilot error' is what the Garrison told them. 'Pilot error' was what the media said. 

Not even the family of two out of the three crew members received any further information beyond those two words. No details. No explanation. Just 'pilot error'. 

Katie was sick of hearing those words.

She didn't believe it.

All three crew members were more than capable of a mission gathering ice samples from one of Pluto's moons. Her dad, Sam, was one of the best scientists at the Garrison and had years of experience going into space. Matt, like Katie, was a genius despite his age. Being selected for the Kerberos mission was a major accomplishment. And Takashi Shirogane. Matt and her dad told her plenty of stories about their pilot, and third crew member. They talked about him like he was a legend. Surely, he wouldn't have taken any large risks. Not on such an important mission.

No. There was more that the Garrison knew. More that they're not telling anyone. Katie knew that much, but it wasn’t enough.

Her hazel orbs read each code and algorithm as fast as it appeared on her screen. Her eyes moved almost as fast as her hands. A burning sense of desperation coursed through her veins. She had grown used to this feeling, but never got sick of it. It was the fuel she used to continue her search late into the nights through the early mornings.

She has gone over every piece of collected data numerous times. Has hacked as much of the Galaxy Garrison's database as she could from just her laptop, and more. 

To be honest, it seemed like the Garrison hardly cared.

Commander Iverson, in particular, didn't seem empathetic in the slightest after Matt and her dad went missing. Even when speaking to her mom, who still had tears in her lashes and puffy red eyes. Even when they were being told in person that they had just lost two of the people they loved most in the world. Instead, Commander Iverson held his head high and did not falter, stating facts that they already knew from the media.

Ultimately, Katie decided that she hated that man.

Her hands suddenly jerked away from the keyboard. Her left hand reached for the notepad that sat beside her while her right hand was already clicking the top of a pen. Her mind kept its concentration as her eyes shifted from her screen to her notepad repeatedly as she jotted down notes.

When her pen reached the bottom right corner of the paper, she tore the piece from the gum binding the several papers together, and continued writing on the one beneath it.

It wasn't enough, but it was information. Katie knew that she would have to get into the Garrison to access their computers if she wanted to gain more sufficient data. She would do it, and she wouldn't leave without a solid lead.

It's been weeks since her family went missing, but who knows what could have happened to them in those weeks. The possibilities were endless and that mere thought caused Katie to grit her teeth as a sense of dread threatened to fill her stomach. But like always, she keeps searching.

Uniquely, almost every person she's run into thus far has tried talking to her about her loss. Though everything they say to Katie is filled with nothing but pity and a false sense of understanding.

They all believe the news reports. They believe that Matthew Holt, Samuel Holt and Takashi Shirogane, all highly trained and capable individuals, are dead without raising any questions about the supposed 'pilot error'. Everyone accepted it so easily. It seemed like Katie was the only one who refused to accept the Garrison's vague story. She was alone in this fight. 

However, her mom doesn't know about her theory yet. She wants to gain a solid lead first, not more insufficient data, which lacked any strong evidence to support her theory. She needed a solid thread of hope.

Stray hair fell across Katie's face as she worked, but she didn't bother to brush it out of the way. She ignored it in favour of what was in front of her. 

She shifted in her spot as she placed, now two pieces of paper, coated with her writing and numbers, to the side. She was hardly getting any specifics, which made the progress in her search unbearably slow.

A few minutes later, Katie finally ripped her eyes away from her laptop and reached over to her nightstand to grab the miniature flashlight that she kept there. Gathering her strewn notes, she hopped off her bed to make her way across the small room to her desk. She gripped its edges and soundlessly hoisted herself up. 

Now standing atop her desk, Katie turned on the small light and balanced it between her teeth, so she could pin the new notes on her board. She didn't want to turn on her room light and risk her mother potentially coming into her room, only to find her daughter resolute and sleep deprived. Colleen would only begin to worry even more.

Once the notes were secured, Katie scrutinized its' places amongst everything else on the board before slightly moving a few things around.

 Jumping off her desk, the teen took a few steps back. She shone the light at the board, subconsciously narrowing her eyes as she examined every small piece of paper, every newspaper clipping and every picture held onto the board with paper clips and pins, all trying to connect into a bigger picture with a red string.

Katie's eyes darted over each object she had on the board. It was smaller than she wanted it to be and there wasn't as much data as she hoped there to be, but she would make it bigger and connect the dots. 

After all, it was all she had to find her family.

And in the dead of night, with unwavering eyes, she whispered, "Don't worry. I'll find you both."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to message me on my tumblr (https://bnha-aesthetic.tumblr.com) to talk about Voltron or anything in general!


	2. Chapter 2

Katie's heart was racing. Her back was hunched over a computer as she stood in the un-lit room. She tried not to let her sweating palms interfere with her fingers as they worked diligently on the keyboard.

Her emotions of indignation and disdain created an almost palpable atmosphere.

Commander Iverson's office was smaller than she expected. There were two computers on an L-shaped desk. The one Katie was using faced opposite to the doorway. A few framed awards and shining medals were placed proudly behind the computer that Katie wasn't using. Several textbooks and manuals were lined atop cabinets and occupied empty shelves.

She pulled up conspiratorial photos, written logs, detailed reports and anything else that could contain some of the useful information that she seeked. 

Every once in a while, Katie would hear heavy footsteps or light conversation coming from beyond the door. It caused her blood to run cold and her eyes to scan the information on the screen faster. But no one came in. Katie silently hoped that it would stay like that for a while.

It only took her several moments before she discovered recordings of the landing. 

Without hesitation, Katie clicked the first video and watched. She began analyzing anything and everything that was visible to her, trying to figure out where the mission went wrong. Then, she clicked the second video and repeated her analyzation process. Then, the next.

Her racing heart slowed down as she focused all of her concentration into what she was watching.

After the fourth and final video, Katie's eyes widened slightly. 

She found... nothing.

There was no destruction, no debris, no interference from any space rocks, no mechanical issues with the aircraft. As far as Katie is concerned; there was no crash.

From what she saw, the crew had a safe journey  _and_  landing on Kerberos. Not a thing had gone awry, much less a crash.

Exiting out of the video feeds, Katie began to look for what  _could_  have been the cause of the crew's disappearance.

She started with the ice drill, the tool that the crew was supposed to use to gather ice samples.

However, Katie couldn't get much further than a keyword search before light suddenly engulfed the room. It forced the young teen's eyes to widen in surprise and gasp. She took a few steps away from the computer in the realization that she'd been caught.

Getting over her initial startle, Katie's eyes were quick to harden as she recognized Commander Iverson's large build in the doorway.

"You again?! Get off my computer!" His voice was raised and his one eye contained immense anger and frustration as he stared down at the youngest Holt. "How did you get past the guards?" He questioned, making his way towards Katie allowing himself to tower over her.

But Katie held her ground.

"You said the spacecraft went down due to  _'_ _pilot error'_. I saw the video feeds from your probes. There's no evidence of a crash  _anywhere_  on Kerberos!" She accused, meeting his gaze with a ferocity of her own.

"Those feeds are classified!" He pointed an angry finger at her before grabbing her arm. "I could charge you with treason for hacking into them." His voice dripped with irritation and authority.

With a firm grip on Katie's arm, Iverson was anything but gentle as he shoved her outside into the hall.

Katie immediately turned back to face him. "Where's my family?!" She demanded to know.

Instead of answering her question, Iverson ignored her to call out to the nearest guard, "Escort Miss. Holt off the premises." The guard wasted no time restraining Katie by her upper arms. "And make sure every guard knows she's not allowed on Garrison property  _ever_  again!"

It was in that moment that Katie suddenly felt every ounce of hatred she had for that man bubble through her veins. That hatred mixed with her willpower to find her family created a new sense of anger. Her anger settled behind her glare as she stared up at him.

"You can't keep me out!" She declared, her hands clenched into tight fists as her blood boiled. "I'll find the truth! I'll never stop!" 

The emotional strain was evident in her final words as the guard fought against her thrashings and pulled her along the halls.

Though even as she was tugged along the halls, the Commander could still hear the girl's tirade of protests.

To Iverson, her words might have sounded like a threat, but to Katie, it was a promise.

The guard that had her restrained didn't seem fazed in the slightest as he pushed the young Holt towards the front gates of the Garrison.

As they approached the entrance, the guard's grip loosened and Katie ripped her arms out of his grasp. "I know the rest of the way." She snarled, stalking off through the gates.

Katie bit the inside of her mouth as she began sprinting from the Garrison gates. Her dull orange bike was left hidden in between two cacti half a kilometre away from the Garrison. Katie carefully removed it from the desert plants and hopped on.

What gave Iverson the right to do that? Katie just wanted to find her family. There is nothing wrong with that. Especially when she  _knows_  that the Garrison is hiding something. Why were they keeping it a secret? To keep their reputation? Because the failure of the Kerberos mission was their fault?

Katie used her pent-up emotions to fuel her energy as she turned the pedals on her bike. She felt the beginnings of a terrible headache as a gentle thrumming knocked around inside her head.

It took the brunette only a few minutes to steer herself off the course leading home and towards a narrow unbeaten path.

She followed the unfamiliar trail for several minutes. She was pedaling fast, but her arms and legs felt heavy as she felt her angry warm blood suddenly turn cold.

Her surroundings were bare except for the odd tree as the path carried her out of the desert.

How could he ban her from Garrison property? They were hiding something that she had the right to know and this is how Iverson treats her?!

Finally, Katie gripped the breaks on her bike, hard. The back wheel lifted off the ground, but Katie stayed planted as she regained balance.

The air was dry and humid. She was just outside the desert where the grass was thin and only appeared in patches. Katie marched over to the nearest rotting tree and kicked it, repeatedly.

There were other ways to find her family. Nothing would stop her. Not Iverson or anybody else.

 She clenched her fists tight. Katie was angry. She was angry that she still didn't know where here family is. She was angry at Iverson for withholding information that was valuable to her. She was angry at Matt and Sam for leaving her behind on Earth, alone.

Having mercy on the old tree, Katie leaned her back against its withering trunk. Her hands gripped her hair ever so tightly, as if she was in danger and it was her lifeline. She slid down against the tree's trunk with her eyes shut so tight she began to see shades of blue, white and grey. Hundreds of thoughts and memories seemed to bounce around her head all at once and Katie couldn’t make it stop. Her head pounded. 

She started breathing hard and fast. While one hand stayed latched onto her — now messy —  brown locks, her other hand gripped the fabric of her shirt over her heart. A whimper escaped her dry throat. Subsequently, hot threads of tears descended down her cold cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to message me on my tumblr (https://bnha-aesthetic.tumblr.com) to talk about Voltron or anything in general!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not posting in a while. Things got hectic with school and my own mental health. But I'm back and feeling better, so please enjoy this update that sets the stage for future chapters!

Katie's mind plunged out of a dreamless sleep. Hesitantly, she opened her still heavy eyelids to find herself lying on top of her green galaxy blanket in a fetal position. The blanket was a gift from her mother one Christmas when she and Matt were kids. Matt had also gotten a matching blue one. 

She shifted her hazel eyes slightly to get a proper view of her laptop which was still open. It was positioned no less than 10 centimetres from her face, the screen coated in black.  

Katie's brain slurred, feeling heavy and dazed from a constant lack of sleep, though she knew it would fade after a few cups of coffee. It was a feeling she was used to after all. 

With half-lidded eyes, her hand reached over to hit the spacebar and the laptop's screen lit up with life. 

Ignoring the several open windows that invaded her display, Katie glanced at the clock in the corner of the screen. 

' _8_ _:02_ _am_ ' it read. She had gotten roughly two hours of sleep, which wasn't surprising. It was beginning to be her new average. 

Still, Katie groaned, moving a hand over her eyes to shield the little bit of light that was peeking through her curtains. 

She was now banned from Garrison property. She got kicked out of the school of her dreams before she even got the chance to apply. However, the moment an image of Iverson popped into Katie's head, she didn’t feel an ounce of regret. 

Katie shifted onto her back to avoid the sun and closed her eyes, allowing her still tired mind to drift. 

She stayed in this position for a few short moments, but it wasn't until she heard something shatter that caused her to bold upright.  

Swinging her legs off the side of her bed, she wasted no time running out of her room and down into the kitchen. 

She couldn't help but allow a slight edge of urgency to leak into her voice when she spoke. "Mom?" She called, just before her bare feet could meet with the cold tiled floor of the kitchen. 

Colleen turned around to face her daughter. "I'm sorry, Katie. Did I wake you?" 

Acknowledging that her mom was okay, Katie responded, "I was already awake." She spoke absentmindedly, preoccupied with the shatter that jolted her out of bed. Her eyes shifted to get a better look of what was laying on the floor behind Colleen's feet. 

Colleen sighed in defeat as soon as she saw Katie's eyes drift to what was behind her.  

"I just broke a vase." She said, bending down to gather the larger pieces of glass. "I wasn't careful enough and knocked it off the counter by accident." 

"Oh." Was the only word that found its way to Katie's lips. Her eyes stayed focused as she carefully watched her mother's delicate fingers pick up each large piece of translucent blue glass. Sam had given Colleen that same vase a few years ago. He had presented it alongside a bouquet of extraordinary flowers on their wedding anniversary. 

 _'_ _Where's my family?!'_  

The question Katie demanded towards Iverson just the day before echoed through her head. But it wasn't her question that Katie was so fixated on; it was the cold, uncaring stare that Iverson had given her in response as if she had infiltrated the Garrison for a reason no better than for the thrill of breaking and entering. 

Katie shook her head of the memory before her blood could begin to boil. "I'll get the broom," She said to Colleen, rushing to get the cleaning tool. 

Minutes later, the glass was discarded and there was no trace of a broken vase in the vicinity. 

"Thanks, Katie." Her mother smiled. "Oh, I made breakfast for you." Colleen opened the microwave and pulled out a plate with Katie's favourite breakfast foods on it.  

"Thanks, Mom." Katie said as she sat down at the kitchen table as Colleen set the plate in front of her. 

What else is the Garrison hiding? How much do they know?  

"It should still be warm." 

"Mmm," Was Katie's only response as she picked up a fork. 

How much does  _Iverson_  know? 

There was a pause. "Katie, honey," Her mother began, voice shifting to a softer tone. "Are you okay? You seem distant... more than usual."  

Katie's eyes suddenly glanced up. She hadn't realized that her mind was drifting off into deep thought again. She looked past her mother at the empty sink, then at the empty dish drainer. She swallowed her food. 

"You haven't eaten anything today, have you?" She asked, though her voice wasn't accusing in the slightest. Instead, there was a hint of sadness that Colleen did not fail to catch. 

"I just wasn't hungry, that's all. Besides it's still early." She dismissed. But one disbelieving look from her daughter was enough to shift her tone into one of authority. A tone that proved whatever point that Colleen was trying to make and no one, not even Sam, could defy her, "Don't give me that look, Katie. If I don't bring food to your room, you would forget to eat." 

She was right, Katie knew, so she didn't argue. Whenever she got too into her work, her brain, too occupied with mathematical equations and scientific theories, would not process that she needed food to keep going. She couldn't even count how many times she's missed a meal since the Kerberos mission. Sure, she's forgotten to eat because she was too immersed in studying or tinkering with her computer before, but never to the point where it worried her mother so much. In the past, someone, whether it be Colleen, Sam or even Matt, would simply shake their head with a smile on their face as they set a plate down on her desk as they watched the youngest Holt invest in her passions. But that was when she wasn't hellbent on finding her family. No, that was a different time. If Katie was living on her own, she was almost sure she would have starved to death by now. 

But just as Colleen worried about her daughter, Katie worried about her mother. 

"Mom, I  _forget_  to eat. You  _choose_  not to." 

Colleen sighed. "Don't worry about it, Katie. It's not like I don’t eat anything at all. I'm still getting the proper nutrients." 

Her statement was questionable at best. Katie looked at her mother's cheekbones, which looked sharper than it had before, and not in a good way. Her facial structure was more sculpted. All in all, her face was thinner. It was only a matter of time before Colleen's favourite teal dress became a little baggy when it was supposed to fit comfortably.  

However, choosing to sympathize with her mother's grieving, Katie said nothing and went back to the plate in front of her. 

"Have you spoken to Camila lately?" Her mother suddenly asked. 

Returning her attention to her mother, Katie spoke uncertainly, "Huh?" 

"She called a few minutes before you came down." Colleen informed her. 

"Oh," Katie said, fork playing with the bit of food she had left in her plate. "Why didn't she call my cellphone?" 

"She has," Colleen expressed, "but you never answer. Have you spoken to her at all in the past few weeks?" 

"Once... maybe twice." Katie lied. 

"Katie, I know you're not feeling up to it, but you've been isolating yourself a lot more. It might be good to socialize a bit." 

When the failure of the Kerberos mission was first announced, it took Colleen a few days to leave the house for something other than giving the press a statement. It was only just a few days ago that Colleen attempted to spend time with a friend or two. It seemed like a step in the right direction, but Katie knew the truth. She could easily tell the difference between her mother's radiating smile that always seemed to brighten up any room she was in compared to her much more recent lackluster smile that resembled a failed copy of the real, much more cheerful one that Katie was so used to seeing growing up.  

Getting up to place her empty plate in the sink, Katie said, "I'll check my phone." Before grabbing a cup of coffee and trudging up the stairs to her room.  

Once Katie returned to her room, her feet automatically steered her towards her laptop that lay abandoned on her bed. She was halfway across the room when she stopped herself in her tracks. Katie stole a glance towards her desk and hesitated before walking towards it. 

Moving aside a notebook and extra spool of red yarn, Katie found the device she had elected to ignore in favour of her laptop. 

It was planted faced down. Katie picked it up and turned it on, bringing the device back to life. 

It only took a moment for her phone to become flooded with text messages and a few missed calls; most of which were from Camila. 

Katie didn’t have many friends. She's always been bad at connecting with people, but Camila had a similar problem and the two bonded over that. She was the only person outside of her family who Katie never minded spending time with. 

Her thumb slid over the screen, scrolling through the text messages that she had been ignoring until now.  

Messages progressed from  _'I haven’t talked to you_ _since the media asked for a statement. I just wanted to know how you're doing_ _'_  to  _'_ _Let's go to your favourite diner for breakfast :)'_ and  _'I miss you Katie... Please talk to me.'_

She was about to set her phone down once again without replying when it suddenly vibrated with a new message. Knowing that it was, once again, Camila, Katie glanced at the message. 

_'Call me later?'_

Katie hesitated, wanting to ignore the new message and return to her search. But for a reason unknown to Katie, her fingers instead opted to type a response and hit send.

_'Sorry... been busy.'_


	4. Chapter 4

Katie let out a slightly exaggerated yawn despite being under the sun's dazzling afternoon rays. She pulled at the straps of her orange backpack as she walked, almost resembling a zombie as she dragged her feet through town with a slightly hunched over back and dark circles under her eyes.  

She had stayed up all night sitting on the roof of her house. When Sam would be out on missions, he would send encoded messages for Matt and Katie so they could still communicate. She still hoped for a message of some kind from either of them. Every night she waited, but nothing ever came.

Katie pulled the collar of her sweater over her mouth and nose as a gentle spring breeze rolled over her. The last thing she wanted right now was for her allergies to start acting up, so Katie shut her eyes and held her breath until it passed.

Colleen had sent her with a short list of things that they were running out of. So, Katie, wanting to avoid the more busier streets, headed for a convenience store which was located in a quieter part of town, rather than the bigger one that was closer to her house.

When she opened the front door, the bell overtop jingled. The cashier at the front desk welcomed her, but Katie barely managed a nod before she grabbed a basket and headed down the closest aisle.

Pulling her mom's list out of her pocket, Katie glanced at the handwriting every few seconds as she roamed the aisles. She knew Colleen just wanted to get her out of the house for some fresh air, even if only for a little while. Katie, herself, wasn't quite sure how long it had been since she went out. A few days? A week? Yes, she sometimes liked to work sitting on their house's rooftop, but it was the isolation of her room that brought Katie the most comfort these days.

Gently setting her mother's items in the basket, Katie began adding her own items in as well: a few extra pens of various colours, smaller sized notebooks to take up less space in her backpack and a spool of red yarn. She also added a few bags of chips and cups of instant noodles to satisfy her hunger while she worked.

As Katie wandered the aisles, she passed by the various bottles and cans of soda. She and Matt loved to buy different kinds and mix them together, trying to find what combinations tasted best and at what ratio. Heck, there was a whole notebook in Matt's room of all of their different combinations and a rating of how each tasted along with their own personalized comments. There were entries in that book ranging from the time Katie was in first grade to the day before Matt left for the Kerberos mission. She hadn't touched the notebook since.

She turned the corner and was instantly met with a sudden array of colours that was the candy aisle. She glanced at the sugar covered gummy worms and boxes of pocky that were Matt's favourites. Then, she looked to the packages of red licorice and M&M's that were Sam and Colleen's favourites, respectively. Her eyes, however, lingered on the colourful packs of pixy sticks that were hers and Camila's favourite.

Katie remembers how they would sometimes walk to the convenience store after school, buying their favourite unhealthy snacks before going to one of their houses to hang out or to work on homework. Her mother would always scold her if she ever missed dinner due to eating too many sweets. Katie didn't have to ask to know that Camila's mom did the same. Though they were fond memories for both of them, Katie knew.

Without thinking, Katie added a pack of pixy sticks and M&M's to her basket.

It was when she was headed towards the cash desk that something on the magazine stand caught Katie's eye. She definitely wasn't interested in any of the latest tabloid gossip trends, but sometimes issues of the latest tech or science magazines would grab her attention. They were written for tech junkies and science enthusiasts, which were right up her alley. 

Grabbing her favourite technological based magazine, Katie flipped through the pages. She immediately got into reading about the possibility for a device that could scan a person for any neuro brain irregularities identified with certain brain diseases for an early diagnosis. 

As Katie's brain analyzed how these inventions would work, she turned a few more pages, almost excitedly, only to stumble upon an article analyzing possible technical issues that could've caused the pilot error on the Kerberos mission. The title alone was enough for Katie to slap the magazine closed in irritation. 

The last thing she needed was more false analyzations of that mission. She stuffed it behind a row of gossip magazines before picking up her basket and heading towards the checkout.

There was no one in line and Katie set her basket on the counter with a little more force than she intended. If the cashier had noticed, he didn't say anything. Instead, he started taking her items out of the basket and scanning them. While he was doing that, Katie unzipped her backpack to take out the money that her mom had given her.

"The Galaxy Garrison?" 

Katie snapped her head up to look at the cashier. "Huh?" She asked, unsure if she heard him correctly.

The cashier, or Dryden, according to his name tag, pointed towards the strap of Katie's backpack. He looked to be a few years older than Katie with wavy brown hair, dark brown eyes and freckles lightly dotting his cheeks.

"Oh." Katie said, as she acknowledged the galaxy themed pin with the Garrison's logo plastered in the middle. She forgot that it was still there.

"Did you want to go to the Garrison?" Dryden asked, curiously, as he continued ringing up her items.

"Yeah..." Katie said slowly. "I do."

"You know, I did too." This captured Katie's attention and her eyes flew up to look at him. "I took the entrance exam last year. But as you could tell," he gestured around him, "I didn't get in." He said solemnly.

"How was the test?" Katie asked, interest peaked. "What kinds of questions were on it? Were most of the questions theoretical or practical based?"

"I couldn’t tell you." Dryden replied honestly. "They change it up every year. You would have to study like crazy for months on end to even have a chance of passing that exam!" A hint of exaggeration laced into his voice as he tried to make his point. "I wanted to be a pilot. I've loved astrology for as long as I can remember, so the Galaxy Garrison was my dream school. I was pretty bummed when I didn't get in."

"So, what did you do?" Katie asked curiously.

"Changed my career plans." Dryden told her. "I'm studying Earth and planetary sciences. So, I guess I'll be doing work down here on Earth." He chuckled a bit. 

"Wow," Katie breathed. "I'm aiming for a communications officer, though being a pilot would also be pretty cool." She admitted. "I've been studying for a really long time now, but I'm still worried about not getting in. I mean, I'm pretty sure I will, but like you, it's my dream school. I've always loved the Galaxy Garrison. Maybe some of the faculty there are pretty rude," A brief image of Iverson flashed through her mind before she suddenly remembered all that she loved about the Garrison, "but it's the top school in the world for future astroexplorers. And their programs don't just give you the theoretical side of things, they also give you hands on experience! In just your first year you get put into an actual simulation. Though that’s just basic flight training. In second year the simulations are a lot more challenging. Not to mention that you're assigned a team from the time you enter the school."

Dryden smiled at her enthusiasm. "And I thought _I_  had a love for the Galaxy Garrison. I really hope you get in."

"Thanks." she gave a small smile.

"By the way," he began, "Where did you get that pin? Got any family or friends already in the Garrison?"

Katie hesitated, subconsciously playing with the ends of her hair. "Actually, my dad gave it to me a few years ago. He's a scientist at the Garrison and my brother is a communications specialist there." 

Dryden suddenly grabbed the edges of the counter as he leaned forward a bit, examining Katie's face.

"Hold on a second..." His face softened in innocent curiosity. "I knew you looked familiar. You're a Holt, aren't you? Katie, right? They hardly mentioned your name in the media."

Katie bit the inside of her mouth. Colleen had wanted Katie to stay as far away from the press as possible, thus why Katie never spoke to a reporter. She was always thankful that her mother kept her away from the cameras. Colleen was just trying to protect her from it, she knew, but Katie knew she would only be able to handle the press for a short amount of time before she said something she couldn't take back.

"Katie  _Holt_?" She heard someone say. Katie turned her head to the side to see another employee — or maybe the manager — approach the cash desk.

"Oh my gosh, hon, what you went through must have been very traumatic. I'm so sorry." Pity dripped from her voice like a baby's drool and the raw inferiority that glazed her eyes made Katie's fingers twitch. "Dryden, put her purchases under my name. She lost both her father and brother."

Dryden's fingers moved to obey his boss's request, but Katie's words stopped him.

"No," She said. "They're not dead."

"Oh, sweetie..." The manager began disbelievingly as if she, herself, wanted to explain the aftermath of the Kerberos mission to Katie. Her voice held doubt and her irises were blanketed in sorrow for the girl in front of her. She thought Katie was hanging on to a false hope.

"Of course you would believe the media without a second thought." Katie whispered, avoiding eye contact with the older woman in spite.

The manager blinked. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that." Then she put on a sympathetic smile. "But don’t worry, things will get better for you. And about paying today, I—"

She was abruptly cut off by Katie slapping the correct amount of money on the counter. 

"No thanks." She said bitterly. With narrowed eyes, Katie grabbed her bags and headed for the door. "I don't need your pity."

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I need to explain myself with Camila. I started writing this fic since before season 4 of Voltron and I always had this headcanon that Pidge did have this one friend. Canonically, she did not. But I decided for the sake of this fic I'll leave it

Katie sat at her desk with the bulletin board of her findings standing up on the wall in front of her. She rubbed her tired eyes, staring at it like she did almost every night. Her curtains were not drawn shut, but her room was still dark. The half-moon shone whatever light it had onto Katie's board as the rest of the sky remained inked in navy blue and a starless horizon. 

When she kept drawing the same conclusions over and over again, Katie leaned back in her chair and let out an exasperated groan. Her eyelids were heavy and her eyes stung, begging for sleep. If the bags under her eyes weren't evident before, they seemed permanent on her face now.

Katie folded her arms over her desk and rested her chin on top of them. With eyes half open, she stared at a corner in her room. The darkness was strangely a comfortable presence.

In the corner of her eye, Katie noticed a glimmer of moonlight just managing to touch the corner of an old green textbook. Without lifting her head, Katie's eyes shifted towards it. It was a book that she used to carry around with her everywhere. She hadn't touched it in weeks, though it was a book that Katie knew she still had memorized. It was a book that Matt studied to get into the Garrison. He had given it to Katie so she could study the same material.

Now, it lay abandoned on the floor with other forgotten textbooks littered around it. Along with her textbooks, more of Katie's belongings occupied her bedroom floor. She used to keep her room as neat and as organized as it could get. If she hadn’t, Colleen would scold her. But now, Colleen hardly enters her room and Katie had subconsciously turned it into a space resembling a disorganized storage room.

Katie continued to stare at her textbooks and slowly, her heavy eyelids began to close.

_____________________

"Look what Matt just gave me!" Katie said excitedly, jumping on her bed where Camila sat cross-legged.

"Watch it, Katie! Not the pixy sticks!" Camila said, putting down the novel she had in her hands to gather the candy sticks, so it wouldn't lay vulnerable to her friend's hyperactive movements. "What did he give you?"

Katie shoved something green in Camila's face before placing it in her hands so she could examine it.

" _'_ _Elements of_ _Astrophysics_ _'_ ," Camila read the title with interest. The book was a little heavy with the large number of pages and the cover featured a green coloured galaxy.

"I know!" Katie exclaimed. "Matt used it to study for the entrance exam and now he's letting me use it! Finally, a proper book that explains a branch of space science that applies the laws of physics and chemistry to explain the birth, life and death of stars, planets, galaxies, nebulae and other objects in the universe!" Katie gushed all in one breath before, then collapsed onto her bed. A huge grin was plastered on her face with a sparkle in her eye that Camila swore could outshine the nearest star.

"Don't forget astronomy and cosmology!" Camila chipped in with a smile.

"Never!" Katie responded. "They’re the two sibling sciences of astrophysics, after all!"

Camila wasn't a tech junkie like Katie, nor did they share the same passion of space and science. Instead, Camila respected her friend's interests and always got excited about Katie getting into the Garrison almost as much as Katie was with Matt. Camila had her own interests, including reading whatever novel she could get her hands on. Despite their difference in interests, Camila shared the same traits of being as bubbly and devoted as Katie, though expressed in different areas. Another thing that Katie and Camila had in common was their inability to fit in with kids their age. Katie had an advanced mind and a different way of thinking. She was never really good at talking to people outside of her family or Camila and was always better interacting with a computer than with others. Camila, on the other hand, preferred to bury her nose in a book most of the time. As a result, she subconsciously began to isolate herself from her peers, developing a lack of communication skills. They were the only other people in their class who could understand each other. Thus, the beginnings of their friendship.

It is their shared comfort in isolation that allowed these two to bond. They didn't always have to talk to enjoy each other's company. Of course, they still liked to hang out, go to the movies and nerd out over different mediums of pop culture. But sometimes it was enough just to sit in silence at a library or in one of their rooms, while Camila read her latest book and Katie tinkered away with whatever spare parts she could get her hands on. Despite having different passions, sometimes their interests clashed, allowing them to connect.

"I've said this before, but I just  _know_  you're going to make it into the Galaxy Garrison. You'll be a genius even there!" Camila's grin imitated Katie's own.

But it faltered a bit. 

"Why don't you take the entrance exam too?" Katie implored as she sat up.

Camila immediately shook her head. "There's no way I could make it into a school like that. Plus, I don't share the same love of space exploration as you do. I'll just stick to being an author or a journalist. Maybe even a literary agent." She said. "I still can't believe that I'm going to have a friend in one of the best schools in the world." She nudged Katie playfully.

"I haven't even taken the entrance exam yet." Katie reminded her.

"Please," Camila waved a hand in dismissal. "With your level of technological genius, they would be idiots to even  _think_  about turning you down."

Katie's features twisted into a contemplating expression. "I really wish we could go to high school together. Especially since Matt and Dad are leaving in a few weeks for their mission." She sighed, resting her chin in her palm.

"Hold it right there! We still have the rest of middle school together," Camila said, trying to remain optimistic. "Don't get ahead of yourself... Though, I am going to miss you." She added solemnly, a beat of silence following her words.

"Remember our sixth-grade science report?" Katie asked, trying to lighten the mood.

Camila laughed. "We analyzed the scientific deductions of a Sherlock Holmes case!"

"We even added the effect of the technological aspects if Sherlock Holmes had taken place in the modern day. I swear I still have that report somewhere!" Katie said, head turning left and right as she tried to remember where she put it.

"It sounds like a ridiculous idea, but our findings and analytics were so in depth, Mr. McClain  _had_  to give us an A." 

They laughed about it for a bit. But soon their laughter died down, replacing itself with a somber air.

"We have to make this last year count." Camila declared.

Katie suddenly laughed again, causing any hint of sadness on her face to vanish. "You just want me to go to that Doctor Who convention with you!"

"W-What?!" Camila stuttered, before Katie gave her a knowing look. "Ok, fine. But that's not the  _only_  thing we could do! We could have more movie marathons and video game tournaments, Matt could join us for one of those before he leaves..." She scratched her head in thought. "Oh! And if you come to the Doctor Who convention with me, I'll go to that tech convention – or conference – with you."

Katie gave a wide smile, grabbing a few packs of pixy sticks that Camila was beginning to hoard in the space around her. "Sounds good to me!"

_____________________

Katie woke up with a startle. Her curtains were still open, showing the still dark sky. The moon's light laid itself out over Katie's desk, causing her to squint at the sudden light as if it were the sun itself. Rubbing her eyes, she lifted her head off the desk and groaned at how stiff her back felt. 

Katie's eyes flickered to the notes she had on Kerberos that were scattered around her before shifting to a large drawer at the bottom of her desk. Hesitantly, Katie reached for the handle.

Inside revealed several papers. Most were occupied with Katie or Matt's handwriting. Some were blank.

Katie rummaged through the rather large stack, dumping out over half of the drawer's contents in the process. Finally, Katie's hand pulled gently at the final pieces of paper that had hidden itself at the bottom of the drawer.

"Modern Day Science in ' _A Study in Scarlet_ '", Katie subconsciously read the title out loud.

For a moment, Katie's eyes were solemn. Loneliness was the key emotion reflecting off her hazel irises. But this was a different kind of loneliness than the one she's faced since the Kerberos mission.

A thought ran through Katie's head, but she had a mission. Tears threatened to touch the edges of her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall. Instead, she crumbled the old science report in her hands and shoved it to the bottom of her desk's drawer once more. 

She moved to the telescope she kept by her window. Peering through the scope, she focused the lens on the nearest stars, hoping for a sign, any sign.

After a few moments of watching the stars, she immediately grabbed her notebook and her laptop, continuing her search. 

 _She had a mission_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Mr. McClain was just me thinking what if Lance had an older brother who decided to become a teacher? I bet he definitely has some stories about Katie


	6. Chapter 6

She was right; the Garrison knew more than they were telling. But maybe it wasn't enough.  Maybe Katie wanted to know more. 

Perhaps that's why she was sneaking onto Garrison property... again. 

The horizon was drawn in an orange line that faded into a golden yellow, then into an array of blues as the colours blended together further up into the sky. It was still dark when she left, but that would be a result of the Garrison being in such an isolated area – and in the desert no less.

Katie stashed her bike in a rather scraggly bush about a kilometre from the school and decided to walk the rest of the way on foot.

Minutes later, the Galaxy Garrison came into view and Katie had to force herself not to gawk at the space academy for the umpteenth time in her life. Yes, it was a school, but just looking at it could tell anyone just how much greater it was than any other school. It was a massive building with a beautifully technological looking surface that reflected the sun's light in a way that could blind you if you stared at it too long in broad daylight. The architectural beauty was shaped to resemble a spacecraft. Even the placement of the windows contributed to that resemblance. The fact that it was located in a large and desolate desert area only added to the independent and superior atmosphere that the school gave off. If anything, the building looked like an official headquarters for the, already, best astroexplorers in the world. It was truly magnificent. 

Katie avoided the main path, opting to walk the edges of Garrison property while staying out of sight from all known windows before moving to creep along the school's outer walls. She walked and ducked along the path she had mentally prepared the first time she snuck into the Garrison, already taking into account guard shifts.

There was a side entrance used for delivering food and ingredients to the school's kitchen – which would be empty at 6:30am for approximately 5 minutes while the few members of the early morning kitchen staff properly set up the cafeteria for the morning rush. After gaining wider access to Garrison files during her last infiltration, she knew how to hack the door to let her in. If not, there was a delivery that was scheduled to be made about 30 minutes from now on the opposite side of the academy. If her first plan failed, she could wait to sneak in. 

Katie tugged at the bill of her Dad's old cap to conceal her face. She peered over the side of the wall she was leaning against. 

All clear. Just as she predicted. 

There would only be a handful of guards surveying the grounds at this time. One is currently positioned on the north side of the building and another to the south. Also, there was at least one guard positioned at every main entrance of the school. The surrounding area is also monitored regularly for a perimeter check. Katie, herself, inched her way across the southwest side of the school. The side entrance she was aiming for was located near the northwest corner of the building.

But despite the handful of guards, Katie had already memorized the guards' routes and routine schedules. It was vital information that she obtained just from her laptop mere days ago. It should be easier than her first infiltration.

Allowing herself a smirk, Katie proceeded to the west side of the Garrison as she tiptoed along the walls, staying low to the ground to avoid detection from the school's surrounding windows and surveillance cameras.

Mentally tracking the guards' every movement, she stepped around another corner, but was almost met with the torso of someone who wore the Garrison's guard uniform.

Her smirk had turned into a look of astonishment in a matter of seconds as she momentarily stared into the confused brown eyes of the guard she had almost run into.

"Who are you? What do you think you're doing?" Came the demanding voice of the female guard with a rather muscular build.

Katie immediately pulled her hat as far down as she could in a rushed attempt to hide her face.

"U-Uh..." She stuttered for an excuse, hoping to pass herself off as a student who likes to take morning walks or as a curious traveller. Unfortunately, her words became partially incoherent as her brain was too busy trying to figure out her miscalculation with the guards' schedules. 

When her words failed, her instincts prompted her to leave the area. Immediately.

However, a hand suddenly reached out to grab Katie's wrist just as she was in the process of turning back the way she came and sprinting towards where she had stashed her bike.

"Hold on a second!" The guard yelled. Katie bit her lip, avoiding eye contact with the guard and trying to keep her head low. "You're Katie Holt, aren't you?"

The guard narrowed her eyes at Katie, keeping her eyes trained on the young teen like a predator watching its prey.

Katie met the guard's scrutinizing glare with a burning one of her own. Her heart surged with determination and obsession. 

"What is the Garrison hiding?" Katie matched the guard's demanding tone. "What does the faculty know?" Katie tugged at her wrist, but the guard wouldn't release her. 

"Miss. Holt, are you aware that you have been  _banned_  from Garrison property?" The guard asked in a slightly calmer voice. It was a tone that informed Katie that she was trying to pacify her instead of blowing her already lit fuse.

But Katie wasn't going to take her scrutiny. "Oh, I'm aware that the Garrison's troglodyte Commander Iverson was upset that a  _little girl_  was able to infiltrate one of the most notorious places in the world!"

"Simmons!" The female guard yelled. It didn't even take a second for another guard to round the next corner and come charging towards them.

Katie's eyes widened slightly. The male guard, Simmons, should have been located around the northeast side of the building right now. He shouldn’t have been so close to them.

When Simmons approached the female guard spoke again, "Inform the other guards: I'm going to escort Miss. Holt off Garrison property... again."

Katie opened her mouth to protest when the female guard suddenly turned to her.

"Unless you want to get Commander Iverson involved?" She asked pointedly, narrowing her eyes at the younger Holt.

Katie bit the inside of her cheek. 

"No." Was all she could trust her tongue to say.

Simmons took his leave and the female guard half led, half dragged, Katie to the front entrance.

As they turned their first corner, Katie's eyes darted up ahead as she took notice of another guard who had not been standing there moments before when she first rounded this corner.

"Security was raised thanks to your little infiltration the first time." The female guard said as if reading Katie's thoughts.

"Iverson was forced to take extra measures because of a kid?" It was a rhetorical question, but Katie said it with such a naturally smug grin that it made the female guard tug a little harder on her arm as they approached the front gate.

"You've already been banned from the Garrison. Don't make it worse for yourself." The female guard told Katie before pushing her out the front gate.

Katie stumbled a bit. 

When her lips parted to speak, it came out barely above a whisper, but the guard did not fail to catch it, "You have no idea what they're hiding."

Katie glared with such fire in her eyes that it made the gatekeeper flinch. But the female guard who had dragged her here did not falter.

"If Commander Iverson is to be involved, then it is likely that a conversation with your mother would be in order."

A few seconds ago, Katie would have loved nothing more than to prove that she should not be belittled, especially to Iverson. Though one mention of her mother prevented Katie from opening her mouth to unleash whatever snarky comment rested on the tip of her tongue.

Instead, Katie stuck her tongue out like a child, whipped her head away from the Galaxy Garrison and stalked off. She didn't have to turn around to know that the guards would continue to watch her until she disappeared into the distance.

Katie kicked away rocks and dirt in her path. She felt her eyes begin to water with pent up rage and frustration. But instead of allowing tears to fall, Katie sprinted the one kilometre until she made it to the scraggly bush where she hid her bike.

She grabbed her bike and hopped on, using excessive force in every movement she made.

"I hate them," Katie muttered, glaring at the empty dirt road in front of her. "I hate that guard." Her legs started to move faster, pedaling as hard as she could. "I hate Iverson. I hate him and his stupid big nose!"

Katie steered to the left, not wanting to take the main road that the female guard had sent her on. Instead, she was going to take a short cut.

She leaned forward on her bike, helping to increase her already high speed.

The short cut was bumpier than the main road. Where the main road lay flat, the rest of the desert was bumpy and littered with various sizes of rocks and desert plants. But Katie paid it no mind, swiftly dodging every obstacle that came onto her path.

She moved right to avoid a cactus, then left to avoid a slab of bedrock, but there was a bump on the ground that she did not see and sped over. Katie held her grip to stabilize the bike. However, as she was busy doing that, she failed to see a slightly larger hill, though soon recognized what lay beyond it. 

Her reaction time was not fast enough and she could not make the effort to slow down in time. Still, Katie squeezed the breakings and steered a hard left, but the front wheel of her bike still made it over the hill and threw her body into a steep ditch.

She heard the loud metallic crash of her bike and felt her own body making hard contact in several places as her body landed, then rolled across the dirt floor.

Katie groaned as she lay sprawled in the ditch. Her head was spinning and her eyes needed a few seconds to focus. When her eyes seemed to focus on the fluffy white clouds, Katie pushed herself up. Slowly, she sat up, coughing in the dust cloud that her hard landing had kicked up.

She fanned some of the dust away from her face, and as she waited for the rest of it to disappear, she rested a hand on top of her pounding headache.

Once the dust cleared she looked left, then right, for her bicycle before spotting it a few feet away.

Katie made to get up, but immediately sat back down. She whimpered loudly as her arms and legs protested her movements with pain. 

A gentle breeze blew by and she felt a cool liquid on her cheek. She lifted a hand to touch it. Pulling her hand away, her fingers came back tinged red with blood.

"Great." Katie grumbled sarcastically. 

Suddenly feeling the warmth of the desert sun on her scalp, Katie's hands flew up to her hair and she looked around the ditch feverishly.

She spotted the black cap several metres away from her and crawled over to it almost desperately, ignoring the way her muscles ached.

Katie picked up the cap as if she was handling a piece of broken glass. She brushed some of the dust off the hat's bill and the Garrison logo before securing it back on her head.

 _Sorry, Dad._  Katie thought, carefully pulling herself up in a standing position.  _I_ _didn't mean to get your favourite hat dirty._

Katie trudged over to retrieve her bike, noticing the new scratches and dents on its paint job, before hauling herself out of the ditch with it.

Katie didn’t ride her bike home this time. Instead, she headed back to the main road and continued to trudge, pulling her impaired bike along with her. 

Katie had to admit, her stinging cuts and aching bruises suddenly seemed grounding. Her impatience on the situation caused her to act based on impulse rather than her own smarts. Realizing this made her want to kick herself for it. How could she be so stupid?! Of course they would increase their security! The Galaxy Garrison is not just one of the best schools in the world, it directly trains and prepares students for the vast possibilities of space discovery and exploration!

She can't give up on the Garrison. They are her greatest chance of finding her family. She had to get inside again, but this time, her plan couldn't contain any chances of getting caught. This time she would have to be patient, stealthy and  _smart_. 

Katie lowered her head in thought. Another breeze blew by, irritating her exposed cuts, but she ignored the stinging pain. 

A moment later, her head snapped up as an idea struck her as quick as lightning. Could she infiltrate the Garrison... as just another student? 

Katie turned the thought over in her head. Her mind already considering the possibilities of the idea. She would have access to the Garrison 24/7. With a bit of time, she would be able to hack their systems. That way she wouldn't have to risk getting caught in Iverson's office again. Not to mention having access to the Garrison automatically increases her resources in gathering further intel. Subsequently, she would be able to join the Garrison just as she’s always dreamed.

But what if she were to get caught? She would lose the best chance she has of finding Matt and her dad.

It was a huge risk. But her best option. 

It took Katie almost an hour before she reached her house, but she paid little mind to her trek home. Instead, her brain was occupied, already beginning to go over the intricate details of her new plan. She rolled her bike around the side of the house and stashed it in the backyard. Then, jogged back to the front of the house to enter the front door. 

Noting that it was still early in the morning, Katie stepped inside as quietly as she could, trying not to wake up her mother as she had become a light sleeper in the past few months. But as Katie entered the house she noticed movement in the kitchen.

"Katie?" Her mother called.

Katie tried sneaking upstairs to her room. She didn't want Colleen to see her in her current state. Colleen, however, stood up from her seat at the kitchen table to greet her daughter.

Looking past her, Katie noticed familiar jars lining the table. Each jar contained little sculptures of different sceneries and objects. Each one took a while to make, but it was one of Colleen's favourite hobbies. Katie remembers how she and Matt loved when their mom made one specially for them. She would recreate sceneries from movies or real life. Sometimes characters or objects. She loved to incorporate plant life whenever she could. Matt's favourite was Colleen's replica of a Garrison spacecraft. They were truly a work of art. Though Colleen had abandoned one when it was only half finished after the Kerberos mission failed. Katie wondered if her mom was attempting to continue that hobby... as a distraction. 

"Katie, honey, your face is covered in bruises." Colleen gently lifted Katie's chin to get a better look. Katie was glad that her long sleeves and pants covered her other bruises. "And your clothes are covered in dirt! What happened?"

"I'm fine, Mom." Katie said, moving her head out of Colleen's delicate hand. "I just wasn't looking where I was going." She stated bluntly.

"Do you need me to clean them for you?" She asked, referring to Katie's cuts.

"It's alright. I can take care of it."

Colleen sighed. "Can I ask where you were so early in the morning?"

"I went out on my bike to clear my head."

"Couldn't sleep?" Her mom asked, empathy laced in her voice.

"Not really..." Katie admitted. Though as she spoke, she stared at her mom's face. To be specific, she stared at her muscles that looked visibly weaker. 

Without warning, Katie wrapped her arms around her mom's waist. Colleen returned the embrace without a moment's hesitation.

"Just be more careful, ok?" 

"I promise."

But in that moment, Katie wasn't just talking about being more careful on her bike.

Katie was the first to let go and she gave her mom an encouraging smile as she said, "You should eat something, Mom." Then hurried to her room before Colleen could return the suggestion.

Katie quickly cleaned her cuts and bruises. Though once her door was closed and she had changed into fresh clothes, she swiftly pulled out her laptop.

Katie Holt was banned from Garrison property. She couldn't get into her dream school even if she wanted to. If she were to infiltrate the Garrison, it would have to be under another identity. 

This had to work. She couldn't get caught.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah so Colleen's little hobby of making little sculptures in jars is actually something I took from producer Lauren Montgomery's instagram page. They look so cute and intricate and I somehow wrote it into the story haha


	7. Chapter 7

Katie sat cross-legged on her bedroom floor. Various textbooks, that were previously abandoned amongst her room and Matt's, now lay open in front of her along with old notebooks and pens. Her face took on a concentrated expression as she flipped through pages of text and connected them to her notes.

It had been a while since she last studied for the Garrison's entrance exam. Even so, the theories and equations that she had once studied numerous times still held a prominent place in her sharp mind as each symbol and letter seemed as just familiar as every evening’s sunset.

The entrance exam was only a week away and while Katie was currently studying for it, she had yet to complete her fake persona.

A name was still to be decided, but so far, she had the bulk of her character's history and medical records already created. All she needed was to come up with a name and her fake files would be ready. She had already decided to masquerade as a boy. Infiltrating the Garrison with a female persona would only increase her chances of getting caught, especially by Iverson, since she could only change her feminine appearance so much. A male persona, however, would make it less likely for Iverson or any of the other guards to give her a second glance. They would be wary of females resembling Katie Holt, but a male wouldn't attract any suspicion.

As for her clothes—

A sudden knock sounded from the front door. It was like a loud intruder pulling her back to her bedroom after getting lost in a thick and dense forest that were her own thoughts. 

Katie knew her mom went out to the supermarket not too long ago, so she chose to ignore whatever distraction lay beyond the door downstairs.

A few moments had passed and Katie had continued flipping pages through one of her more used textbooks, tapping her pen lightly on her knee as her brain tore apart and reconstructed the equations inked on the paper... until she heard her phone vibrate from across the room. 

She left it on in case her mom had tried calling or texting her. And not wanting to ignore a text from Colleen, Katie set her textbook down. Maneuvering her way around the textbooks and crumpled up pieces of paper that occupied her carpet, she made her way to her cluttered desk where underneath one of her more used notebooks her phone lay face down.

Expecting a message from her mom, Katie was slightly surprised to open a message from Camila.

 _'I'm outside'_  The text read.

For a moment, Katie debated ignoring her friend altogether. She was in the midst of setting her phone down when she received another text.

_'My mom_ _made_ _garlic knots for you and your mom'_

Katie mentally sighed. Setting her phone back on her desk, she marched down the steps that lead into the front foyer and opened the door.

"Hey." Katie's greeting visibly lacked warmth.

"Hey, yourself," Camila replied. "Here, my mom wanted me to bring this to you." She handed over a medium sized gift bag containing the pizzeria snacks.

Katie took it and set it down on a small ledge beside the front door. "Thanks." She said, her thanks softer than her greeting.

Camila's dark brown locks were piled high into a ponytail, like it normally was. Her freckles that usually dusted her cheeks and the bridge of her nose were heightened under the sun's rays. She was casually attired in stockings and a skirt, paired with a faded dark blue sweatshirt that she's had since the fifth grade. She looked radiant under the sun’s glow except for her dark eyes being unreadable.

Katie, on the other hand, wore a pair of sweatpants and one her dad's t-shirts thus it was baggy and hanging off her shoulder. Her hair was moved out of her face and into her usual side ponytail. In contrast to Camila, Katie’s face was paler than usual, showing off the dark bags under her eyes even more so than usual.

"What happened to your face?" Camila suddenly asked. Her eyes softening as she shifted her weight to get a better look. "Are you okay?"

Katie subconsciously moved her face to the side in a vain attempt to hide the large band-aid that covered a portion of her right cheek. "I'm okay. Just wasn't watching where I was going."

_She wouldn’t understand._

"Oh..." Camila knew better than to push the subject. "How have you been?" She asked, deciding to change topics instead.

Katie’s stomach turned as an inner turmoil boiled inside of her. She wanted to tell Camila. She wanted to place some of her hope in the girl in front of her. But there was no way she could ever understand.

Katie shrugged. "Been better." There was no denying that fact. "How about you?"

"Better if you would text me back every once in a while." Katie said nothing, so Camila continued. "I was worried."

"Sorry," Katie responded, but avoided eye contact. "I've just been—"

"Busy?" Camila guessed. "Yeah, I got your text. You could text me back every once in a while." A sense of abandonment leaked into her words.

"I texted back, didn’t I?" Katie shot at her.

"Once," Camila expressed. "You texted back once a few weeks ago. A few months ago, you just stopped talking to me completely. I wanted to be there for you, but..." She trailed off not knowing how to approach the topic gently. "Your mom is worried. I'm worried."

"Camila," Katie started, voice steady in growing agitation.

"I  _know_  you, Katie. You're up to something and I'm afraid it might get you in trouble." Camila stressed.

Whatever walls that kept her theories a secret, suddenly came crashing down in front of the one person besides Matt who Katie considered to be a friend.

"They're alive, Camila." She stated, eyes narrow and lit with fire. 

"W-What?" Camila stuttered, clearly taken aback.

"Matt and my dad. They're still alive."

Camila didn't miss a beat. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Katie said, voice mirroring her unmoveable decision of going to the ends of the universe to find them. "And I'm going to get them back."

"Woah, wait a minute." Camila said, shaking her hands in front of her as she tried to process Katie's words. "Do you plan on going to space or something?!"

"If that's what it takes." She said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"And how do you plan on doing that?" Camila asked, astonished.

"By getting into the Garrison." Katie said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

For a moment, Camila's dull brown eyes studied Katie's distant hazel ones. They used to be filled with such warmth that spilled into everything that she did. Now they were cold, staring at Camila as if she were looking at her for the first time. 

"Katie..." She said slowly. "What have you been doing this entire time."

"That's not really any of your business." Katie said defensively.

"As your friend, it is." Camila said without hesitation. "I'm starting to think you  _already_  got yourself into trouble."

Katie glared, hands falling to her sides. "Fine. The Garrison knows more than they're telling about the Kerberos mission. They're just covering it up. I've already infiltrated the Garrison once and got banned from Garrison property. They're hiding the truth and I'm going to find out what it is!"

"You what?!" Camila gasped. "Then how do you plan on attending the Garrison now?" Her temper now rising alongside Katie's.

"By using a fake identity."

"What happens if you get caught? You already got kicked out once. They're not going to be so lenient if they find out about your espionage, subterfuge and deception!" Camila counted off each felony on her fingers. "What about your mom? I know the Garrison has always been your dream, but now your reasons for getting in is putting you in danger!"

"This isn't about me! This is about finding my family!" Katie barked.

"And what if you get caught, Katie?! What, then? You’ll lose your chance of finding them. There are other ways!"

"No. There aren't." Katie clenched her fists. She couldn’t even begin to count the days and nights she’s spent trying to get them back through  _other_  methods. "The Garrison is my best chance of finding them and I'm not going to give up when I know they're still out there."

Camila's tone suddenly dropped to a softer one. "But, Katie, do you even know for sure that they're still... alive?"

"When I infiltrated the Garrison, I deciphered the video feeds. There's no evidence of a crash or malfunction anywhere on Kerberos!"

"Yet, their status is still unknown."

"Well, if they are alive then who knows what kind of trauma they've had to endure in space so far!" Katie yelled. "They're alive and suffering because nobody else will do anything about it! Every time I close my eyes, I see them! I see Matt talking to me about his program at the Garrison! I hear my dad telling us stories from his missions! What if their days are numbered! I'm running out of time!"

"Katie..." Camila spoke so delicately one would think her words alone could shatter Katie's heart completely. But looking at the girl in front of her, Camila knew; Katie’s world has already fallen at her feet. 

"I don't know if your dad and brother are still out there, but you're still here and I can see what it's doing to you. If you continue these habits you're going to destroy yourself from the inside out." Camila stressed, worry lines etching underneath her eyes.

Katie scoffed. "Which book did you get that one from?" She asked, coldly.

"Katie!"

"What else do I have left to lose?"

"Your mom," Camila told her. "She's still here!"

"Yet, things haven't been any easier for her either."

Katie half turned from her. "I'm sorry, Camila, but I need to do this." Despite the apology, there wasn't an ounce of regret in her voice. "You wouldn't understand."

Camila stared at the unwavering fire that burned underneath her friend's fierce glare. She could feel her own heart break in two. 

"There has to be another way." She pleaded.

Katie didn't look her in the eye. "The Garrison's my best chance. This is my only option."

"No... you saw the video feeds, right? With your expertise we can expose the Garrison and—"

"And what?" Katie cut her off. "And that's going to magically bring my family back? It doesn’t work like that."

Camila fell silent. She was at a loss for words.

"I need to do this alone." There was a pause where neither of them spoke. A heavy tension seemed to weigh down on Camila's slim shoulders. Katie barely looked at Camila whereas Camila looked at Katie with eyes full of guilt and sadness. She felt guilty for not trying harder to reach out to Katie. She felt sad for how her goal was taking over her life.

Camila's eyes welled up with tears. She didn't want to lose a friend. Especially not like this.

She stared at Katie, remembering the girl who had one day approached her, smiling as bright as the sun shining through the window, and talking as fast as she could get coherent words out of her mouth. She had approached Camila over the science fiction book she had been reading that just so happened to be about robots in the future. That same bubbly girl who's smile always reached her eyes, seemed to fade into a distant memory as Camila stared at the girl in front of her, now cold and distant. Though like the old Katie; daring and nothing short of a genius. Still, what she saw in the darkened eyes of this Katie was a mixture of fear and instability. Something that Camila had never seen in her before.

"You can stop texting me, by the way." Katie said, breaking the tense silence. Camila opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. "I don't have time to be friends with you. I'm sorry."

Before Camila even had time to think, she shut the door in her face. 

Katie leaned her back against the door frame and lowered her head. A moment later, she heard Camila's footsteps turn around and leave.

Once she was gone, Katie slid to the ground. There was a sharp pain in her chest making her want to cry out. Trying to repress it, she pressed her forehead to her knees. Her heart rate accelerated without warning and her breathing became rapid. Finally, the pain in her chest became too much. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she sobbed. She lifted her head too quickly and it banged against the door hard, but she didn't mind the sudden pain in her head. Instead, she welcomed it. Katie hugged herself close, gripping the arms of her sleeves as tight as she could.

Eventually, the pain in her chest eased, if only a little, as she sat on the floor and cried.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to message me on my tumblr (https://bnha-aesthetic.tumblr.com) to talk about Voltron or anything in general!
> 
> Please review!


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